The last 9 months of hell? 

Officially the rest of my life.

Time to develop coping mechanism to alleviate the anxiety driven portions of my symptoms, while officially re-learning how to eat. 

And you know what the most common triggers are?

Raw fruits and veggies.

What the hell did I do to my body to screw it up so bad that it’s refusing to process fruits and veggies? 





One of my friends is starting a 40 day yoga challenge that’s being held by her work (she works at a juice bar/yoga studio, how freaking cool is that?). We had a nice long discussion tonight about committing to things, and how hard it is for us to stick to exercising. 

I can plan my meals. I’m an expert at counting calories (probably not a good thing), but when it comes to exercising … I just really can’t get into it. 

I know everyone says to find out an exercise that you love, but the only thing I honestly love doing is swimming (cue Splash Free) and we don’t have a pool/access to a pool. Walking is getting monotonous. As is the old exercise I used to do last year. Everything works, I know it does, but it’s just so either boring, or I feel like I’m putting more effort into being pissed about the fact that I have to work out than actually trying to do the damn exercise. 


Long story that could have been way shorter: 

I’m going to do the 30 Day Shred. I’m gonna do this bitch, and I’m going to stick to it. Because I fucking need to. While she commits to yoga, I’m committing myself to Jillian Michaels. I need to just work out. I need to just do it, shut up about it, and stick with it. 

If I can do it for 30 days, I can do it for life. 

Wish me luck, fitblrs. <3



a moment of silence for all those poor souls who force themselves to eat low-carb

I mean … I could be reading way too much into this … but the way I took it, I was slightly offended. 

I’m personally eating low-carb because I know my body processes carbs differently than my 5’11” beauty queen of a best friend who’s beyond gorgeous. And I know my body processes carbs differently than my 5’5” beautifully curvaceous best friend. 

We’ve all tried different diets to try to get the fat off of our bodies, and honestly, for me, the only way it has worked is eating low-carb.

So when I saw this post, and read it real quick, I was slightly taken aback by it. I don’t need anyone’s pity because I choose to eat low-carb. I don’t need a fucking moment of silence, because I’m sure as hell not a quiet person. 

Basically what this post is doing to a lot of people out there, is the equivalent of walking into a restaurant and asking the girl if she’s eating a salad if she’s anorexic. Or calling the girl who’s eating a steak and loaded baked potato a fat-ass. Nobody is better than me just because they’re eating a plate of spaghetti and I’m eating chicken and broccoli. I mean, come on, you really don’t want to be that person, do you? 

We pride ourselves for being against fat-shaming, and thin-shaming, and slut-shaming and all of the other things we’ve become so good at … but you just inadvertently shamed me into thinking that I’m someone to be pitied because I choose not to eat carbs while trying to find my balance of healthy and fit. 

Think before you post, fitblrs, that’s all I’m asking. <3


Those moments at the day when you find out you’re under calories, and you actually get to eat more. <3

Time for sliced bananas and walnuts for dessert! :D


Is it just me, or am I one of the only people on Tumblr who absolutely hates running? I’ve never been a runner. And sorry, my fellow fitblrs, but I can’t really say that I ever will try to be either. 

I don’t know if I was just never properly taught how to run, and that’s why I don’t like it, or if it has something to do with breaking my leg, having reconstructive surgery to align said leg, then breaking ankle of said leg, followed by having worn down the cartilage in the hip of said leg, inevitably making almost any long-term distance exercise a forever pain filled experience. 

I’ve tried, oh how I’ve tried. I’ve tried running on treadmills, I’ve tried running on tracks, I’ve tried running on pavement, and every freaking time I get 2 or 3 houses worth of a run (because I suck at calculating distance) and I’m in pain. Either my ankles hurt, my shins hurt, my hip hurts, or my knees hurt. 

I’ve tried the “light jog” where you’re really only at a walking speed, but you’re pretending to run by putting more bounce in your step. I’ve tried full on running. I’ve tried sprinting. I’ve tried every shade of running possible, and I still hate it. 

So. My rant I guess is this: Why is it, that everything on Tumblr revolving fitspo is all about running? Why is it “Just Run.” Or “Run Harder.” Or all of these gifs of girls going from runner’s pose yoga to an actual runner’s stance and taking off? 

Why can’t the motto be “Just Move?

My doctortold me that just getting out of the house was enough. That walking a mile around the neighborhood while making sure your heart rate was up was perfect. That it didn’t have to be some crazy high intensity workout, so long as I put effort in? 

Why can’t we have more gifs of girls going on long walks? Or girls swimming (And I’m not talking Olympic training swimming, I’m talking “i’m-a-normal-girl-but-I’m-gonna-swim-some-light-laps-to-get-in-shape” swimming)? Or girls whacking a baseball out of a park? Why does everything have to be so high intensity? 

I know that the harder you work, the more you burn, and when you’re trying to lose weight, that’s fantastic and everything because you want to burn off more calories and all … but considering the known way to lose weight and get fit is 80% diet, 20% exercisethen why can’t we focus on just making our calories count throughout the day, only eat what we need to, get out there and be active without making it feel like our body is going to shatter itself? Why do we have to come home covered in sweat every time from a daily 5k?

I mean, I know I don’t have to. And I know I won’t, because I’d rather sweat from lifting weights … but honestly, Tumblr, there are so many other ways to get your cardio in besides running. 

Think we can work on this? Focus less on running, focus more on the being active as a whole? That would be great. 


My chia seed pudding mix smells like effin’ apple piiiiieeeee. 

So excited for breakfast tomorrow morning. Warm apple-cinnamon chia pudding with either almond slices or walnuts … I can’t quite decide yet. <3


I’ve been telling myself for months that I was going to get outside and go for walks. 

We have a fairly flat neighborhood, with just a few hills here and there, so for me it’s kinda perfect. Since my digestive problems really took hold though, getting out of the house was a disaster. Even just getting in the car to go to the store became a problem. Needless to say, my depression slowly started finding it’s way back into my life and shit just got bad again. I was sad, and sleeping all the time, and just not wanting to do anything.

Since I’ve started this detox though, I’ve been feeling so much better. So much so that I wanted to try again today, to get out of the house and just go see the world. I knew that the sunshine would be good for me, and I wasn’t wrong. 

It was magnificent. 

Lana Del Rey was my muse for the afternoon as I just booked my way around the neighborhood for a half an hour. No problems. No worries. And I can officially start saying that there’s no reason for me not to get out and do things.

Eventually, I’d love to get out there for an hour, and even take my bike on longer treks, but baby steps until I’m sure that whatever was going on has passed. <3


Reblog if your CW is OVER 170 I’d like to follow some blogs that are similar to me and my stats:)

187, 5’4”. :)

(via cloudsnewchapter)