Thanks for the support, Wegman’s. :)

Ginormous blt salad with avocado. :)

ladydeist:

mindbodysoul90:

But I might have to stop following people who repeatedly post things related to the “fatspo” tag. This is something very new that I have come across and I can tell you right now that it doesn’t come out of any malicious thought. At least, not one that I can coherently recognize. 

I am beyond jealous of the women here who can love their bodies just the way they are. But the fatspo tag is a huge trigger for me, for a multitude of reasons. It drives me to push myself harder, to consider extremes just to avoid a certain future that I’ve caught glimpses of within my own family.

A future that I promised myself I would never step into. 

So for these reasons, I cannot agree with the “fatspo” tag. For this reason, I will stick with what science tells me. That my body does need to be a certain fat to muscle ratio in order for me to be healthy. For me to live life to the fullest. And unfortunately, nobody will be able to convince me otherwise.

Like I said. I am not on this mission because of society, because what a doctor tells me is right and wrong. I am on this mission to make sure that I can play with my children and not run out of breath. That I can go to the mall and walk faster than the old biddies in their automated wheelchairs. So I will never have to have a surgical procedure that could have been prevented if I had only eaten an apple instead of a muffin.

So. For this reason, I cannot follow those who promote “fatspo.” It is highly upsetting to me. And am in such a better place where I know when to walk away from things that put me in an awful place.

I’m sorry if you don’t agree. 

I like how this post was made with no malicious thoughts, but then goes on to generlize all overweight people as lazy and unhealthy.

I wasn’t generalizing all overweight people actually … if you read the original post, I clearly stated that my family is my main reason for not wanting to be a certain way.

This is because my whole family is like this. All of the examples that I stated of why I don’t want to be a heavier woman are directly related to things I have noticed within the women of my family, and I refuse to follow in their footsteps. I never once said that I think all overweight people are “lazy and unhealthy” because I know several people who are beautiful and voluptuous and eat like rabbits (she eats her veggies all separately, no dressing, and that’s how she prefers them). 

So I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making me look like a hater of plus sized people. Because they are beautiful. I, personally, however, will never be able to love myself that way.

But I might have to stop following people who repeatedly post things related to the “fatspo” tag. This is something very new that I have come across and I can tell you right now that it doesn’t come out of any malicious thought. At least, not one that I can coherently recognize. 

I am beyond jealous of the women here who can love their bodies just the way they are. But the fatspo tag is a huge trigger for me, for a multitude of reasons. It drives me to push myself harder, to consider extremes just to avoid a certain future that I’ve caught glimpses of within my own family.

A future that I promised myself I would never step into. 

So for these reasons, I cannot agree with the “fatspo” tag. For this reason, I will stick with what science tells me. That my body does need to be a certain fat to muscle ratio in order for me to be healthy. For me to live life to the fullest. And unfortunately, nobody will be able to convince me otherwise.

Like I said. I am not on this mission because of society, because what a doctor tells me is right and wrong. I am on this mission to make sure that I can play with my children and not run out of breath. That I can go to the mall and walk faster than the old biddies in their automated wheelchairs. So I will never have to have a surgical procedure that could have been prevented if I had only eaten an apple instead of a muffin.

So. For this reason, I cannot follow those who promote “fatspo.” It is highly upsetting to me. And am in such a better place where I know when to walk away from things that put me in an awful place.

I’m sorry if you don’t agree. 

You feel like you’ve tried your best eating, and you’ve done your workout for the day without overworking yourself, and you still feel like a tub of lard afterwards. :(

I’m having one of those unfortunate days.

I ran on the elliptical for 30 minutes today because I did my weight lifting yesterday.

I had a banana, a gulp of silk and peanut butter between two pieces of whole-wheat multigrain bread for breakfast.

I had a subway 6” turkey sub with all of the veggies on the wheat bread and a low fat yogurt for lunch.

And for dinner I had a tuna-fish sandwich from the bakery (it had cheese on it, and I wish it didn’t though. :/) and a strawberry-kiwi smoothie that I made myself with vanilla greek yogurt and fat free milk.

But I still feel awful and for lack of better terms, totally fat. I wish this process was so much faster than it actually is. :( 

Love. Her. Bod.

If I could choose one body to live in, it would be Lady Gaga’s. I don’t think my body will ever do what hers currently does, but I’ll never know unless I try! Even if it doesn’t, I’ll just be happy the day I can proudly walk around in my underwear and show of my (soon to be) phoenix tattoo. :)

I just … all of the feelings!

I want to be able to do this some day. Definitely need to start practicing more yoga.

I may or may not currently be planning out my entire dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse tonight. We’re celebrating my mom’s birthday, and I just wanna have fun but be good at the same time.

In love with the fact that they have all the nutritional info online. <3

Kashi Vanilla Island cereal with Vanilla Almond Coconut milk. Yum! (Taken with instagram)

I slept like shit last night, I wanted to take a nap today but didn’t.

I went shopping and proceeded to tire myself out even more.

I came home, unloaded groceries, helped with dinner, talked with my family, watched TV and wanted to go to sleep.

But at 10:00 at night, I got my butt downstairs and ran on the elliptical for 30 minutes.

I made time, did you?

For quite some time, I’ve considered getting a phoenix tattoo. I mean, only a few months, not a few years, but I’ve still always wanted one.

My body, at the moment, isn’t perfect. It won’t be for a while. And I don’t mean just physically either. I have some problems that I’m trying to work out with my therapist and everything is a work in progress.

In a month’s time, I will be graduating from college. I will officially be kicked out into the real world and actually have to make some grown-up decisions. I’ll have to find a steady job. I’ll have to figure out how I’m going to pay my car insurance. I’m going to have to figure out a lot of things.

I’m also not going to take no for an answer. I’m not going to let someone tell me I can’t do things. I’m not going to let them tell me that I have the gene that just makes me a heavier girl. I’m not going to let them tell me that I can’t weigh 132 pounds because they don’t think it’ll look good on me.

Guess. What.

I don’t care. I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore. And this isn’t “I don’t care” in the apathetic “I don’t give a shit” way. No. This is the “I don’t care, because it’s not about what you want, it’s about what I want” way. 

I’m finally going to take care of myself. In every way imaginable, because that’s what I should have been doing since day one. Nobody matters in my entire life more than I do. If I can’t love myself in all aspects, and I can’t love what I do … then life isn’t worth living. I have to finally stop putting other people first, and just give a fuck about me for once.

All of that being said, I’m getting a phoenix tattoo. I’m getting it for multiple reasons. To celebrate how much weight I’ve already lost. To celebrate how many steps I’ve already had to take to get me to where I am. To remind myself that no matter what happens, I will embody the beauty that can only come from true struggle. I will be the phoenix that rises again and again from the ashes.

I am strong. I am powerful. I am beautiful. I am an individual. I am an artist. I am a lover. I am a fighter.

In one month’s time, my second (technically my third) tattoo designed by the lovely Hayden Welch will be gracing my figure, from the side of my ribs sweeping across the small of my back. And I can’t fucking wait.

Just try to bring me down, bitches. Give me all you’ve got. 

I am the phoenix. 

Damn skippy.

Any fitblrs out there that have been clinically diagnosed with depression? 

I’d like to talk to you if I could. I’ve got triggers flying left and right at the moment, and I’d really just like to not be alone at the moment. Not suicidal or anything. Just wanna talk.

Does anyone else seem to have a belly button that appears to be drastically lower than a normal belly button should?

This is something I’ve honestly dealt with my entire life, and I’m just curious … when I start toning my stomach, will my belly button shift to a “normal” position?

I see all of these girls who either currently weigh more than I do, or started out at higher weights than I did, who all seem to have very normal belly button locations, but mine just seems like it’s a few inches away from my friggin’ pelvic bone. Even though I know it’s probably just excess skin. 

Whelp.

If anyone else has the same problem, or has previously experienced the same problem, what did you do? Preeeetty much any one who can at least tell me I’m not some freakishly special person with an obscurely placed belly button will make my day.

Thanks. <3